Sunday, May 30, 2010

For the good times

You know, rarely, do I come out twice in a day, but I have been writing since I was 4 years old.  I sat there as this blog is a medium if you will of communication between Delmar and I. and a friend of mine sent me an email that I haven't even read the entire message and I have to address it. I listened as he told me that Avenue F "ain't me", I just laughed.........................

Home is home, you ain't gotta kick it with the folk next door for that.  I listened how he declared we will always be friends, always down to get some money, all of this  the typical be my ride or die chick, while I got others on the side drama............

I watched how he ran up to his mama to tell her, mama I did it, she giving me the house, so in the end, after he comes back to me, which he will no doubt, his brother and his wife, who I suspect are using my identity in addition to numerous others can have somewhere to stay that had my name on it. 

I listened to how he wants me to buy a condo,................, and all of these plans.

I listened, gave the let's give it a try speech, and just cried on the inside.

I tell you these stories, not because of wanting sympathy, I tell you these stories because for some of the folk reading this blog, my words affect your life.  and that's more pull than any drug can do. 

You all played me, you got your kush, you got your identity theft, you got away with attempted murder, you got away with f***ing around with my life.

But in the end, because vengenance is a concept that I live for at moments, but in the end, I can't win the battles against the family/foes in my life, I can't do that alone.  All of this was just a setup by some illegal immigrants and they people fighting for somewhere to stay in this country, and American citizens like myself are an easy pawn, b/c I'm black, I got issues, and I got a record.

He violent.  I am confrontational.  We both are arrogant, vain, and ruthless.  I know this, he knows this.  He wants to see other people and have women on the side, I want to have women on the side (just playing, seriously), but the point of it is, it is very difficult to be with a person who has never had his own before and raised by a woman who teaches that one must use to get.  It is very hard for a man raised by a woman like that understand a woman like me is so beyond all that and simply needs candor so that she can adjust. It is very hard for a woman like me to be led by a man who values the opinion's others, especially folk that do anything per se, don't plan for their future or nothing so highly. 

So what did I do?  I gave up my phone, literal phone, have to buy another one, there is a tracker on there, that way his new illegal girlfriend can have full access to him, starting to pay my school back so I can attend in the spring.  I may start showing up at the strip club, celibacy is hard........and Keep working my job as long as I can, and buy a house, here and probably a condo in LA and just live the life............

I didn't take no hand out from Delmar, every dime that he gets from cutting hair, from every gram of kush, for anything, he knows and his family knows came from my blood, sweat and tears and that knowlege of that will have to be enough for me to satisfy my revenge.  It just pains me that people are so comfortable using other folk, but that's my sheltered ass........  How these folk look themselves in the mirror when they had so many chances to get their stuff together and not be in this situation is beyond me.  They just cool with getting what they want not worried about who they screw over.

what I am playing for is My right to say F*** each and every one of you shady m/f's that had something to do with it.  My right to say before I waste my life, over some petty players, who had to use and abuse a nice person instead of just being  honest leeches, I am going to do what's best for me.

I am not moving to LA, maybe for a brief moment, flying is expensive, but my home is here.  There are other homes for sale on Avenue F.  There are other homes in that neighborhood.  There are other homes in this city.  I am not going to let nobody run me out because they illegal, they shady or what.  My mom's body is breaking down, i got nephews, but MOST IMPORTANTLY I GOT LOVE HERE!.

the kind of love, that tells you Tiffani, I don't know what the hell you on, but you messing up.

the kind of love, that lets me cry like a baby on your shoulder for twenty minutes, b/c I simply don't connect with my emotions in a healthy way.

that's why my team, allows me to do, be human when I can't be 99% of the time. I love them for it, and I have no choice but to do right by them.

As I am writing this, I hear the resignation in Delmar's voice as he called trying to get me not to post this, like mama I am trying but she won't leave.  But neither one of these two or others mentioned in these posts including Obama, ever bother to ask for anything, they gotta to play you for it, thinking that it is the only way to ensure that they get what they want.  But in the end, it ensures that they will never get what they want for long and ensure that they will always be surrounded by users who use them as much as they use others.

This series is for the good times to come, the bad times that I had endure.

I am going to hold all of this in for about six months because I have no choice to.  Won't be no drama with Delmar, no police are going to be called.  At this point, I have pretty much assumed the worst, so you don't have to Dallas get nervous that business won't be handled because i find out other "drama", other women he is trying to pull, or scams he is trying to run. I don't blame anyone, although it is extremely frustrating dealing with folk with "habits" of all sorts that puts them in position to be played at any time.

I am just playing for the good times............

I want to kick it, and have a porch and neighbors just like you, Delmar, just like Ms. Hearne, what makes you think you are any more or less "hood" than I. my blood is on corinth, on dudley, on bonnie view.  my sweat and my tears all flowed into the trinity river.

If Delmar is to be the pimp that he is, I ain't the hoe that he needs, believe that.  He's too selfish to bring anything to the table for me on that level.

Let's just stop the games, accept the fact, that your son, Ms. Hearne will have his liscence, a way to get around, some cash to take care of you and yours, and that if things work out, me AND MOST OF THESE PEOPLE ON THIS BLOG WILL NEVER HAVE TO SEE EACH OTHER IN LIFE, AGAIN.

I gotta a right to some good times, and with the hell, you illegal America, Ms. Hearne, Mr. Meadows and my family in Tyler and others have taken me through,

you more than anyone know that I deserve them.  Stop living off of other people's name, better yet, understand that you can no longer live off of my name.  If I can't stay in that house, there are three down the street.  You all ain't running me around no more, because you think you have me broke enough.

Me and my team kicking it this fall, i am going to enjoy my good times.

not my fault if my good times the way I want them causes your good times to be over.

you played yourself by starting with me.  not ripping you off, just doing for me.

see you on the court, Tuesday, Obama, we may not get you impeached, but your 2012 re-election chances on change and transparency is about as good as my hook shot.
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