How are you? The past couple of days, have been a challenge, no doubt. I haven't worked but two hours this week, still trying to catch up on my rent. Delmar is going through his phase with his job, taking the week off because it is not the prime environment so on surface things look pretty bleak.
But you know what, America, we better than that as a country and a citizen, we keep going, we move on, and that is where we start for today.
I have been struggling to get my identity back since before I got married, I wasn't aware at the time the extent of what was going on, it was the sheer greed and shadiness of some that helped to glimpse just how much of my life these folk had in their hands.
I encountered so many obstacles this week, as we all do. But when I got laid off this time, when I came into work clear across town for twenty dollars, I didn't cry or get mad or cuss out the owner like I was supposed to. I got up and prayed and left. The next day I was blessed to be at the hospital to see my newest nephew being born. I was thankful for that blessing.
Day after day, I asked Delmar was he going to work, he refused. I didn't beg or cry. I moved into this house knowing that it was pretty much all on me, and I figured that with him getting his liscence things would be different, but "the non-mentioned" one has other plans for her son. I didn't fret. I didn't nag Delmar about working, he is a good dude. He wants to work, but he is caught in the middle between two women and no fellas, this time this ain't a good thing. :-) Scared to trust one, scared to leave the other alone.
Sometimes when we refuse to make choices, choices are made for us. So I kept on, I didn't relent on my wish for my car not to be over her house, I didn't relent on my vehicle not being placed over Jimmy or Kim Buie's house as I suspect these people to be involved in the fraud perpertrated.
I just kept going. I had to take an assessment test online before going in to see an old employer. The computer kept shutting down until I text Delmar that I was getting ready to call google and the police as other files were being blocked as well. Miraclously, the test came back up and I was able to take it. But every five minutes, I got calls and texts from Delmar inflammatory trying to make me flunk it, so I can't work and everyone can be "okay" and not in trouble.
I tried for two days to access my blog, didn't come back up until I texted Delmar about calling the police. Got up this morning, he stalls and hangs around to make me late. Drop him off at work, just so his mom can come get him and ensure he don't work, b/c my rent or half of it is due tomorrow and mother dearest has to make sure that son number one, don't have a dime to contribute to rent. It is in her best interests among others that I move out. I didn't cry, didn't beg, didn't trip.
I got up, scrambled through the little clothes I have left that are not cut up, borrowed my sister's shoes as all of my shoes are cut up, got a wig from my mom as all of my hair has fallen out again from stress. I got dressed and kept going. I dropped delmar off and got on my way, and right when a dallas country sheriff got behind my car, Delmar texts me, as texting and driving are illegal down here, I didn't answer, I kept going where I needed to go. I anticipated Hearne drama 101 so I knew he would bullshit for an hour or so, I stayed on schedule. I kept going.
I got to my destination, I went to Mickey D's to get something to eat. SUPPORT MCDONALDS, AS FAR AS A MINORITY, I LEARNED MORE ABOUT BLACK HISTORY AT MCDONALDS THAN AT SCHOOL REMEMBER THOSE LITTLE PLACEMATS WITH BLACK HISTORY ON THEM, THOSE AND THE ONES FROM BUDWEISER ABOUT AFRICAN KINGS AND SUCH. BIG BUSINESS AIN'T BAD. BAD BUSINESS IS BAD BUSINESS.
Anyway, the window wasn't working, but they took my order and were very kind. Monfort and 635, here's to you. I called and went up to my appointment. I saw the people looking and smiling, this is an old employer. They know me, I know them. They held me there as they checked to see if I had any new charges, I don't. I have reached 10 years with my felony, it has been hard, but I have made it.
As the employer reviewed my resume, she was impressed that I found a way to get a master's degree almost, and kept employment in some pretty challenging situations with a felony, drug felony at that. She smiled with a knowledge of my life more than was printed on the resume. She asked me how I did on the tests, I told her average. She gave me my results, 75 wpm, allright, but I am getting older, intermediate in powerpoint/excel/outlook; advanced expert in word.
She replied that I hadn't lost my skills................
When I got home from Cali, I qualified for a lot of other jobs, but b/c of the fraud that my family and others were in, they gave me the shittiest job possible. Overweight with high blood pressure a warehouse job, no ac on my feet all day. But I kept going, I kept going despite one pair of shoes, despite not being able to get my hair done anymore b/c I date a dude who don't ride the train, I kept working despite coming home at night and crying myself to sleep out of the pain while the loved one in my life stayed up all night with his girlfriend. I kept going, I kept doing everything I could to ensure that Delmar finished school, that I kept the lights on, that I kept food in the house even for two dogs I didn't want nor brought to the house.
I kept going at a job where the hispanic workers talked about me so bad in spanish, yo entiendo espanol mas o menos. I kept going at a job where the owner's wife belittled me and treated me like help. I kept going getting sent home from work, just when rent was due while everybody else got to work. I kept going as seven people who I was more qualified than at least four, some of the other positions I was not for physical reasons got hired on permanent at ABI, and I didn't. I kept going.
This is not to place blame on Delmar. He and his family and my family are symptomatic of the larger issue of law enforcement being so dirty they can't shut a "lick" a scam down when needed to avoid convictions, they too deep in it, we all are. He is trying to save his family b/c they started with a female they had no clue was so persistent, so detailed and so driven to nail their asses to the wall. He just trying to keep a peace in a war he didn't start. And before we all make him the enemy, baby, PLEASE, MOST OF US GOT HABITS OF SOME KINDS, CIGARETTES, ICE, ASS, SOMETHING AND ALL IT TAKES IS THE PIPER OFFERING A COUPLE OF DOLLARS OR SOMETHING. WE ALL TAKE IT, NOT ME, B/C YOU FIGURE SHE CAN'T BEAT THE SYSTEM, MIGHT AS WELL GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT.
Friends, family members, all showing their asses, move home they say. Move out a place where illegal immigrants have been funneled out and need to be again is what they really want to say. Please don't work at a legal job as others who are working in your name will be forced to leave and lose all that they have is what they really want to say and that comes from Delmar, my mom, my family, his family, friends I have known for years......................
But I kept going and will continue to. In life there are two types of motherfuckers, those who pop shit, those who do shit. Those who pop shit are talkers, you can peep them out first, they are always around somebody's corner, talking about shit that ain't theirs, people that don't fuck with them, and places they haven't ever been. Those who putting in work, who do shit. You never hear from them, they don't bother wasting time or clothes or money trying to impress some broke motherfuckers who will probably end up stealing from them anyway. I belong in the later category.
So while all of you have seen me at the wal-mart buying my cucumbers looking bad, and Delmar is pimping in his polos.........
While all of you all have seen me with broken glasses, one pair of shoes, and my family is saying we don't know what the hell is wrong with Tiffani.
You know what I have been doing, America, you know what i have been doing ms. hearne.
WALKING MY GOT DAMN PATH!
BABY, IT TOOK A LOT, B/C YOU ALL TOOK ME THROUGH A LOT, TO MAKE IT THROUGH WHEN EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY LIFE HAD THEIR OWN PERSONAL AGENDA FOR ME TO BE LOCKED UP, OR BACK AT MAMA'S HOUSE, WITHOUT MY CAR OR MY JOB TO TAKE ORDERS FROM DELMAR WHICH IS REALLY TAKING ORDERS FROM MS. BARBARA J. HEARNE.
BUT I'M STILL HERE.
STAND UP AMERICA, DON'T LET THESE POLITICIANS AND PUNDITS SCARE YOU THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE PART IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY, THIS IS YOUR SHIT! YOU PAY FOR IT DON'T YOU! YOU WOULDN'T SPEND YOUR MONEY AT THE STORE AND NOT SEE WHAT YOU GOT IN THE BAG.
STAND UP FOR YOUR COUNTRY, HOLD PEOPLE LIKE MURKOWSKI IN ALASKA ACCOUNTABLE FOR NOT TAKING THE LOSS LIKE A GROWN ASS WOMAN, SAME WITH CHRIST, SAME WITH CASTLE.
HOLD PEOPLE LIKE NELSON AND FEINGOLD VOTING FOR SOME SHIT, THE PEOPLE DIDN'T WANT.
HOLD PEOPLE LIKE OBAMA ACCOUNTABLE FOR SEALING HIS DAMN RECORDS, BUT WANTING ALL OF YOUR SHIT.
KEEP GOING, THE FOCUS IS ON THE NEXT FORTY DAYS.
REMEMBER, THEY ARE GOING TO COME OUT WITH ALL OF YOUR BULLSHIT, O'DONNELL, MILLER BUT YOU AIN'T RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS MAKE IT RIGHT WITH YOUR PEOPLE IN YOUR STATE.
CONVICTED AMERICA, I KNOW IT IS HARD. I KNOW THE ONES YOU HOLD DEAR ARE THE ONES WHO HURT IN THE END, BUT KEEP GOING.
KEEP GOING PARENTS, AS PUBLIC SCHOOLS ARE TURNING INTO IMMIGRATION SOCIALIZATION CENTERS, KEEP GOING
KEEP GOING SOLDIERS EVEN AS OBAMA, USES YOU ALL AS FUCKING PAWNS TO PROVE SOMETHING TO SOME TERRORIST ASSHOLES WHO DON'T LIKE US NO WAY.
KEEP GOING POLICE OFFICERS, AS HOMELAND SECURITY PREVENTS YOU FROM SENDING THESE ILLEGAL ALIENS BACK TO SENDER, KEEP GOING.
B/C UNTIL THE BREATH LEAVES MY BODY, I WILL FIGHT ALL AND ANY WHO BENEFIT FROM MY IDENTITY,
UNTIL THE BREATH LEAVES MY BODY, I WILL FIGHT THIS ADMINISTRATION WHICH IS NOTHING MORE THAN A COUP.
UNTIL THE BREATH LEAVES MY BODY, I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ENSURE THE NATIONAL SECURITY OF THIS COUNTRY EVEN BY RISKING MY OWN.
KEEP GOING, DON'T GET DISCOURAGED, PALIN,
I TOLD YOU, ALMOST THREE YEARS AGO, YOU WERE THE SOURCE OF THE ANSWER, AND YOU CAN'T GET MAD NOW, THE BULLSHIT COMES WITH BEING NUMBER ONE, THE REAL SHIT COMES BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS CLEAR OUT CALLED BARACK HUSSIEN OBAMA THE TERRORIST THAT HE IS.
KEEP GOING, ASK DALLAS..................
I AIN'T LOST A STEP, ALL YOU ALL GOTTA DO IS GET ME BACK TO WORK.
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