Monday, December 6, 2010

smuckers.........

Hello America,

As the talks go on behind closed doors, we need to talk. I mentioned earlier today that there are going to be some changes.  I have alluded to my own personal "lent" that starts in the sign of Sagittarius and ends under the rule of Saturn and Father Time.........

I started the other day thinking about what did I need to release myself of.  I like to be specific, and reasonable.  no need to set myself up for failure.  Somethings are long term goals to last more than a year, some may be rectified with a phone call and some honesty, a tall task at times.........

I was thinking about where do I want to go from here, I got a little momentum, but being a city council person for life is not me.  I thought about all of the jobs I ever really wanted that I didn't get, the heritage foundation was one of them.  I like service..........I do.  I also like to get paid, no doubt.  I am a work hard, party hard, pray hard type female. Always will be.  The way I do it will change over time, but I am built off of a very simple blueprint.

I decided the other day that I want to write, I want to work on campaigns, I want to do a lot of things, and I can......I'm bored, there is so many rants I have in me, God has been working his own call of duty black ops on my life.  Calm is coming.  Faith is building.  I am getting stronger, I am getting older.  Since a lot of my distractions have been removed, my focus is coming back.  It's not like it wasn't there, but physically you couldn't tell it by looking at me.  I am a survivalist.........and it has been extremely difficult, but I make the decisions I make about my life, not out of sheer stupidity, I make these decisions based on a faith with a God that I don't expect most to understand, not out of complexity, rather the opposite, because of the simplicity of the nature of the relationship I have with God.

He is my everything.  He is my lookout when I'm doing dirt and I really dont' need officer friendly to pull me over today.  He is my second wind when my back is hurting so bad lifting boxes, but more than thought my soul is hurting at the thought that I am two classes of short of my masters...He is the calm that I need when I see the truths of those closest to me about me in their eyes and I can't lie to myself, don't want to lie to myself.  I don't have time to explain nor a need to deeper than that.

It is relevant today simply for one purpose.  I have decided for my new year's pledge to stop cursing.  In person, ahh...................let's work on that.  But on this blog.  I had been thinking about it the other day when i wrote a piece without it.  I like to challenge myself.  I have gotten my name out there, but I'm at the point where in some ways the game is just now starting.

So it's like this, it's like the spirit of the Dallas Cowboys at least how they were last night, but I'm not choice or jones, I am brian westbrook..........I got all of these people yelling, hollering, cheering me on, letting me know if I choose to stay in this game on this level, I can.  But to stay on this level, gives the opponent time, and opportunity.  Do I chose glory to replace Bill Maher and be the new comedy schtick that serves as news for the lazy and uninformed?  Do I chose my country, do I chose the way of the will of the God I serve?  Do I fly where others have perished, do I have it in me to face the enormity of the blessings that God has before me? 

God comes into the locker room, there is a battle on the playing field that I can't get into on this site. fourth quarter about twenty seconds left.  But it is real, and it is hetic, and I have the lead, I have knocked the champ around.................I have made my presence known to the level, I don't have to say who I am no more.

He looks at me, and is inherently fatherly manner, he asks "Tiffani, do you know why I do what do? do you know why I haven't made things easy on you, I know you better than you know yourself........I know what you can and can't handle and many a day I let you fall.  But you know why, don't you?.........."  There is a longing in his voice for peace on  levels that are deeper than politics.........Like, Tiffani, we can get past this..........

I just look and put my shoulder pads on(no, I don't want to play football, so just work with me).......I put my jersey on ,get spatte.  I don't say anything...........

He says "Tiffani, your words affect the country........I can't have you at the level you are headed to where you at, something has to give, and it's not going to be my will.  Can you not understand that?""

I reply" It's like this, I can't be everything I am meant to be right now. You asked me to trust you, do I feel like you left me out to dry, yes.........Do I feel like others get a pass on levels you know you would strike me dead for, yes.......?  This is the mind you created, no need to lie about something you already know.  I'm ready to play, that's all that matters now.  It don't matter if I'm all the way healthy, it don't matter if I'm not happy inside right now, it's not. You know it and I know it because you have shown me that my feelings are sometimes, often, not anywhere near the top of the list.  I'm not mad no more too old, too much to do.  I have lost friends, man, over some things that are my fault, but a lot of that..........you know wasn't on me, was a lot of dirty pool.........."

He says "You can be mad at me..........."

I reply " and then that's when you going to tell me this is all part of something that I can't see the full picture of yet..  I ain't mad,man...........I ain't mad.  Just need to get in the game, and let me do what I do.  I know where you trying to take me and that's cool, I'm not tripping.  I know what's at stake, I have had my last anxiety attack about what you have for me to do.  I know that cursing is just the first step........

I know I have to listen...................and listen....................listen..................and then listen.................

I know I have to restrain..........restrain......

I know I have to understand that people are going to make it that I don't feel like they deserve at all, I ain't going to lie.  I know I gotta forgive..............for real...........I have to lay down my blackmail cards, not that I was ever going to use them, but they kept me alive.  I ain't happy about it, never will be. I'm your creation, but more than anything I am or try to be the consumate professional in this sense, if there is a duty to be upheld I don't quit until my visa is revoked on multiple planes of energy. I know what I'm getting into, I know.

God says"well, what you want? for what you are sacrificing, gotta give you something......"

And that's the end of the story, I run to the one yard line and I set the ball down...........no touchdown, no addition to my stats............will look like another one of Tiffani's fall apart moments.

But the game is over and the opponent had no more time. My game lies in the game that is played not on football fields, but with words and dictionaries...........

There will be no more time on the football field.  One play , one last play was all I got, one last play was all I did.  I didn't have no speech, didn't shed no tears, didn't do no press conference. I just took of those pads, that helmet, those cleats, all that protection, took a shower, and put on my next uniform, a nice pants suit or skirt and me.

God and St. Pete look down, they realize that the work on Tiffani is never ending, the more she grows, the more her will is empowered.......but she tries, God knows she tries and he takes her through a lot.......  He knows that little girl who sits on the curb just wishing one day in her life will be enough where she can take a nap and chaos is not outside the front door, he just sheds a tear of what he took her through to make that little girl grow up and realize for her life that day is not going to come for a very long time and by definition of her DNA she has no choice but to rise to the occasion and be the goat that she is, that she has always been.

Time don't wait for nobody.

Well, that's all...........

I just thought it would be cool to tell a story.

My sentiments are not going to change.

Wrong is wrong and right is right for the situations that I am trying to advocate. I love free markets.........what can I say.  But before I went off the deep end of the fringe.......or appeared to do so.  I just thought it was time to take it to the next level, grow a little bit.

What did I get from God?  I got permission for like five whole minutes I get to go the park with supervision of course, and get to vent, and sulk, and fuss............I am getting respect and love from those I need it the most from.........I got some friends, some real friends.....I got my health for the most part, I got an ice cream cone from McDonalds(i'm lactose intolerant, so that's a treat).  I get to cry a little, held out for that.

What do I have to give?  My soul..............and piece of work that is...........

For what purpose?  If I told you, I would just have to endure dirty pool more than I already am, but when it comes true don't say I didn't tell you.

For Whom? You, America,.................You all need some of us to step up not because we are supposed to, but because we can, and some of us have the potential to reach places all cannot. 

So with that,

I am serious about no unemployment..........we will deal with the deal when it comes out.

I am serious about the tax cuts.........................

But with no more cursing, an editor and a chief of staff who serves more and more of a blessing in my life, politically, personally and spiritually, I think we can move about this next year in a little bit more productive way. I am going to gamble and think that I can rise above four letter words, some of them.......at least and let my spirit soar and see if where we go.

I have to go now, I have other parts of this "situation" I can't talk about.  It's not pretty stuff, it involves listening and respecting authority, nasty words like submission, shut up Tiffani, you can't say that no more Tiffani, I'll take your bank card before you come out of there Tiffani, words and sentiments no self-respecting criminal would ever admit to adhering too.......................Big Smile......

That's all, today's post was called smucker's.........

because a good friend to me to go out and get some jelly!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm so sorry, America, inside joke, but had to say it.

take care, will be back tomorrow.
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