Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Book of TNT (Chapter 2)

Hello America,


How are you doing?  I got a little bit more sleep last night. 


Well, I am not going to lie to you, America.  I don't want to write today.  I don't.  The decision to live pubicly for the sake of becoming a public servant versus continuing to live lies in order to be a politician sounds real cute........


Until you have to do it..... ;)


America,  America.....


For so long, for so long.  I have always believed in hope against hope.  Not Obama hope ;) But I always believed that love was gonna get my life in order.  And it did, just not in the way I intended.  I hope and pray that as we go into this book as I am starting to get a little writer's groove that you know that I am actually a person......


IKR......


can't believe it myself at times, and these are true and actual stories, these are the truths of my life. And sometimes those truths hurt.  For a long time, a long time.  I used alcohol and sex to just numb pain away.  I let the comfort of an enormous ego, tell me it don't matter Tiffani.  Walk it off, Tiffani, in the end he'll love you......


In my path that God has placed before me, I try to push myself.  I hate to render myself stagnant.  I try every year to grow a little bit more than the year before.  When you are approaching 40, you don't have to wish so hard no more.  Experience catches up with you.


You get too old to lie to yourself.  I have a family, I have nephews, I have children of friends that are depending on me, not to raise them, not to provide for them, but to ensure that there is a country for them to screw up, drink up, and everything in between it takes to walk the path that God places before them.


I have no need to crave the spotlight, I am simply just tired of running from it.  The spotlight of man pales in comparison of the spotlight, God places on  you.  For to indulge in faith, means to have no fear.  There was a time where I was scared of the truth, I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want hear nobody's mouth about this and that.  I still don't.  I just don't run from the truth no more and even though I don't know about tomorrow.  I try my best every day I take the time to write to ensure that I face the truths in my face head on, and let you all witness my triumphs, my failures and everything in between.......


Remember that for today.....


Let's go.


@tmims50 for strictly political commentary
@pendecadentdiva for everything not........may be personal, may be sports, who knows.....


Show love to my big brothers, check out the blog list located on your right.


Show love to my big sisters, the political superclique  Michelle Malkin(one of our truth avengers, we'll discuss a post by her today),  Jedediah Bila (the other truth avenger, she's been on fox and friends and chilling this week), Michelle Bachmann(she's announcing she's running Monday) and Sarah Palin (making the media chase her like a deadbeat dad......)  check out their links to the right.


Afghanistan- It's real cute......When politicians of either side, pop the "bring the troops home" but I ask to what, for what?  What are these troops, these folk that have served our country, giving all that was asked of them, what are they coming home for?  To vote for you, Mr. Obama because you gave them their freedom, that's pretty ballsy dude.  You think vets are just a monolithic demographic.  They have minds you know.  They are going to come home and see what their families and friends didn't want to tell them over there.  That the job market in Kansas City, Kansas is about on the same level as it is in Kabul......


I don't want ANY PRESIDENT.  ANY PRESIDENT to use withdrawal of troops as a campaign issue.  China and Russia are boldly in our face empowering IRAN on all kind of levels.  We all know the drill Afghanistan on one side of Iran, and Iraq on the other.  Iran is empowering Shiite Iraqi's with guns and training and with America gone pretty much out of Iraq and now lowering troop levels in Afghanistan, our most precious ally in Israel is left alone in harm's way.  With a totally Muslim Middle East, that serves a religion that views our lifestyle as the enemy........


We can't afford to lie to ourselves no more.......  We must have the courage to look at the bigger picture.  Another note, how can Obama take the roles of these soliders so earnestly and NOT GAIN PERMISSION FROM CONGRESS REGARDING ANOTHER WAR......


We can't afford to bullgrit anymore.  We can't afford to tell ourselves what we wanna hear, what sounds good.  We must remember as politicians the very basic nature of our occupation.


Public service.  to serve the public.  not to advocate our bullgrit.


It's cute and all that, but after the parades, you are adding another 10k plus supporting personnel to the workforce that is already sitting at realistically 15% unemployment.


Hope and change.......the gift that keeps on giving.


Isolationsim-  If I hear one more politicians let this out of their mouth.  WE ARE THE MOST DIVERSE COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, WE DO TRADE DEALS WITH EVERYONE.  WE HAVE PEOPLE SNEAKING IN THIS COUNTRY FROM EVERY CREVICE.  And b/c some of us say no more, to illegal immigration, no more to jobs leaving our country..... We are extremists?


Well, then so be it.  Because we don't have time to lie to ourselves anymore.  We have to start making America a priority again.  And there is nothing wrong with that.......


Money- http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0611/57512.html It is stories like these...........


that make trillion dollar deficits.......


We gotta a president playing golf, and visiting and kissing baby, BUT THE NEW YORK FED, WILL NOT DISCLOSE HOW MUCH OF OUR DAMN MONEY IS MISSING IN REGARD TO IRAQ, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND HELL NO, NONE OF THAT MONEY WAS FREE.


HOW CAN WE EXPECT TO SURVIVE FISCALLY AS A COUNTRY, WHEN EGREGIOUS ACTS OF GROSS MISCONDUCT, STRAIGHT UP STEALING AND THINGS OF THAT NATURE ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF NEWS PAGES?


WE CAN'T LIE TO OURSELVES NO MORE.  ALL OF THIS FISCAL TOM FOOLERY HAS TO STOP......ALL OF THIS FISCAL DUCKERY HAS TO END.


The books demand we can't lie to ourselves no more.....


Rep. Eric Cantor-  Now, when I really started getting involved on a national level this time, Rep. Cantor, Eazy E as I call him.......was a concern.  He's young, he's cute and very ambitious.  However, over the past year, Rep. Cantor has grown into a representative that more than the district in Virginia that he represents can be proud of.


http://thehill.com/blogs/on-the-money/budget/167725-reps-cantor-camp-reject-a-short-term-hike-to-debt-ceiling-


He's growing into his political daddy, and I must say sir, it is a beautiful thing.  Thanks for sticking up for the people, telling Boehner, telling McConnell no more bs deals.  Thank you for starting to resemble a public servant versus a politician.  Because I have kept up with your career, I'm eyeing you or Ryan for speaker of the house soon, but I'm thinking you're gonna leave, I am familiar with the political capital you had built up, and you took a chance by embracing the new wave that is coming through congress.


That's says no more.  We can't lie to ourselves no more.  We too old to play pretend that this one time is going to be the exception.  We have lives in our hands.......


AND REP. CANTOR I AM SO THANKFUL TO SEE THAT IN YOU.  AMEN, BROTHER.


A DAMN MEN......


REALLY, AND TRULY PROUD OF YOU.


Obama- dude, right now flava flav can beat Obama.  B/c the opponent that is really kicking his ass, IS THE FISCAL REALITIES OF THE HUSTLE CALLED HOPE AND CHANGE.


IT DON'T TAKE PERRY, IT DON'T TAKE GULIANI, OR THUNE.  IF THEY WANTED TO RUN, THEY WOULD HAVE.  Rick Perry knows...... It's personal.  As a native Texan, I cannot allow another repeat of West Texas gone wrong.  I love #43, HE IS MY BROTHER.  HE IS SOMEONE I KNOW PERSONALLY, GAVE ME A CHANCE THAT NO OTHER POLITICIAN ONE.


I KNOW GEORGE W. BUSH KNOWS THE POWER OF REDEMPTION, OF SECOND CHANCES AND I WILL ALWAYS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I FUSS ABOUT HIM LOVE HIM.


BUT RICK AIN'T GEORGE BUSH BY ANY MEANS.......


Rick is a little too slick to venture past sixth street in Austin.  Guliani can keep on helping folks build mosques on dead citizens...... And Thune, dawg, you good people.  But we don't need that.  


I am so sick of you guys, yes the ones who have penises in the room, BOYCOTTING THE STRONG FEMALE CANDIDATE WE HAVE IN BACHMANN.  SHE'S EXPERIENCED, SHE DOESN'T HAVE HALF THE MOUTH OF ME OR SARAH PALIN, WHICH YOU GUYS SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR.  SHE HAS THE BREAD, SHE HAS THE TEA PARTY, AND SHE IS WILLING TO CHECK OBAMA.


DAMN.........


ARE WE SO DESPERATE SO CAUGHT UP IN GENDER ISSUES THAT WE WILL LET A TERRORIST RUN OUR COUNTRY, BUT NOT A WOMAN?


It's women dying on the battlefield these days, showing just as much courage under fire as our male soldiers.


We need every edge we can get, GOP AND YOU ALL KNOW THAT, AND YET DAY AFTER DAY, WE HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT ROMNEY, AND ALL THESE OTHER FOLK, YOU KNOW, WE ALL KNOW DAMN WELL CAN'T BEAT OBAMA.


Time to stop lying to ourselves.  Time to stop being petty.  Time to realize the old way ain't working, because if it were Obama would be impeached by now or would have never made it in.


Massa- SPEAKER BOEHNER, IF YOU ARE WILLING TO GET INTO WATER'S ASS, THEN GET INTO YOUR BOYS AS WELL.  PUBLIC SERVICE NOT POLITICS, wrong is wrong.


Now for townhall, I like to do the actual articles.........


Kevin Glass breaks down what I am talking about with Rep. Cantor and Money MITCH LOSING HIS DAMN POLITICAL MIND, WITH THESE SHORT TERM DEALS......


Michelle Malkin, big sis....just clowning all the way around today. She's fighting with a sawed off of salvation.......  She's breaks down Huntsman as a recycled McCain. and we all know we don't know no more reniggers on the trial.  She breaks down the game.......READ IT.


She's against McCain more than I am......She also has a video on there, breaking down how we can't afford to lie to ourselves no more with people who have shown time and time again that they will sell this country out.


Walter E. Williams breaks down placism, the new racism more efficiently than those NASCAR pit dudes do during the race.  


Ken Blackwell KICKS ASS, FRANKLY, SORRY KICKS ASS and breaks down the "Lawd have mercy game" that Obama uses to get destructive legislation through.


Dudes, America, it is crucial we need to read these articles.  These folk are spreading the truths we can't afford to not listen to.


Kyle Olson highlights Riverside, CA as what is going on so horribly wrong in our country.  YOU MAY NOT LIKE CALIFORNIA BUT SINCE TAXPAYERS FUND THE ENTIRE STATE, WHY NOT READ AND SEE JUST WHERE YOUR MONEY IS GOING.


Okay, that's it for the political.......


I love the Lethal Weapon series.......I do.  I wish that Bad Boys was able to get that kind of funding.  As a child and young adult as these movies were coming out.  It gave me a chance to see life and aging on the big screen, a rare commodity to see Roger and Murtoch ? spelling grow as men, their families emerge and grow, and the way that the storywriters embraced Joe Pesci's character and other minor storylines, brings warm feelings to this day.

My mom when she took us to the movies always made sure we watched the entire movie including the credits.  Used to drive me up the wall then, but I understand now.

Upon the last Lethal Weapon, the 4th I believe, they end the movie with a collage of just pictures and memories.  We only think of the actors sometimes but there is whole network, a whole family that makes a blockbuster production a reality.  As the credits, play why can't we be friends?  I always wonder what about the day after........

Now I'm sure the stars and most of the people had somewhere else to work, movies to play in, all that kind of stuff.

But there's always one sitting on the curb, hanging around the office, because there is nothing else.......

I'm kind of in that place.

Jesus comes up.........

Jesus and I are more friends/homies/dysfunctional brothers and sisters than a he's the great one and I'm the sinner thing.

I am not going to get into my spiritual and religious technicalities.

Jesus comes up.........  because a major production of my life.  As it has been a real production is ended.

I am sitting on a curb.  And since this is in the metaphysical....Things like space, and gravity don't matter.  There is a point on Interstate 20 in Dallas on the way to Fort Worth, you know Dtown right there headed west past Moutain Creek....or right at it, can't remember when you coming down that hill and see that beautiful horizon.......

OMG, everytime I say there isn't a God.  I open my eyes, there is beauty in this country.  I digress.

Somehow, someway, I am sitting on one of those over passes looking West.

Jesus comes up and says

"Hey, Tiffani......

You out here by yourself.........you not out partying, you not out crying, or whatever you do?"

I smile.......

Jesus and I fight more than me and God, so I feel his sarcasm.

"Nah......"

He looks at me.  He sighs deeply.

"I heard what went down with you and my Daddy......  I heard he got with your ass......  I heard that you lost, and you acknowledged that. Proud of you, dawg.....  I'm proud of you."

I don't say anything.....

"Tiffani, I know it hurts.  I know more than the media does, how much routine means to you because me and Daddy inflict so much chaos in your life, but to be fair, your homeboy Lucifer and your ego be adding to the drama...... I know what it is like to eat at the table with your enemies.  The folk you know in your own circle, that are going to do you dirty.  I know you hurting.  I know its overwhelming to realize you just a pawn, that every text you send, every where you go is monitored not for your safety but for the advocation for folk to live and feed and leech off of you.......:

"You know Jesus......I put up with a lot.  A lot of things that I will never mention here.  But yesterday hurt.  Yesterday just showed me what I am to some folk.  And that no matter what they feel about me, if putting me in jail, if destroying the little I have is going to keep me in contact with them......then it don't matter to them.  And that's not a cool feeling, but I'm allright.  I just don't have nowhere to go.  Literally and figuratively.  Not trying to be homeless this year, not for too long......"

"Tiffani, today, all of those same folk are going to offer you peace, sanity and the promise that things will be different, but in the end it is the same delusions you held on to for years.......  What are you gonna do?"

At this point, I can't hold in the tears anymore.  Me and Jesus been everywhere together, school, parties, the strip club, jail, church, home......everywhere.  And none of those times have I ever asked him for a ride anywhere.

"Tiffani you can't sit out here forever.  Not safe, your life is in danger.  You got folk all around you that will rather to see you really hurt, really broken down, really dead, or really in jail.  The production is over Tiffani.  I know you scared.  I know you depend on others to get you home....... But you gotta ask yourself...



Who's gonna tell you when
It's too late
Who's gonna tell you things
Aren't so great
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong, but bye
Who's gonna drive you home tonight

Who's gonna pick you up
When you fall
Who's gonna hang it up
When you call
Who's gonna pay attention
To your dreams
Who's gonna plug their ears
When you scream
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna drive you home tonight

Who's gonna hold you down
When you shake
Who's gonna come around
When you break
You can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna drive you home tonight
Oh you know you can't go on
Thinking nothing's wrong
Who's gonna drive you home tonight"

Jesus knows I love that song......from the first moment I heard it, to even as I play it now writing, it touches the little kid  in me that to this day, sitting on the curb after all the other parents have picked up their kids, sitting waiting wondering whose gonna pick me up.  Whose gonna get me home ? Whose gonna make sure I get safely past all these vulnerabilities and hurts that this murder of my life has cost me.......

"Tiffani, come on, I'll drive you home.  Okay?  Imma get you somewhere you safe.....Can you trust me?  Will you trust me?  Let me help you, you don't have to do this alone.  You can't stay out here, its getting dark and even in this world, boogeymen are real.....  I know, its hard.  Everytime you build a home, you got forces that me and Daddy allow to tear it up, disrespect it, violate it.  I know more than any lap dance or any blunt or any concert, you just wanna rest in a bed where you don't have to be scared or worried no more.   I know time and time again you asked for my help and I sat by and didn't do nothing........but we gotta go, Tiffani. "

I sit and look at the interstate...... I look at the western horizon and despite all my powers, all my abilities, my will......he's right.  I don't have anywhere to go.  I don't have anyone to trust but him.  So I get my trapper keeper (remember those......) and my backpack.  And I take his hand and get in the car.......

the end.......


I am going to end this right here. There is a lot going on today.  And because this site is linked to my facebook account in which I deal with people who actually know me.

We are going to leave it there.  There is no excuse with grown ass individuals not to be honest with each other.  I am tired of living in fear, I am tired of living in shame.  It is time that I use the same faith I pop so much grit on here about in my own life, in all facets.

I don't know what God or Jesus has in store for me.  I really don't even know where Jesus is taking me, he ain't gotta a drivers liscence and my ass got warrants.  But what I do know what I do know is that there is a right way and a wrong way to handle pretty much everything.

Not about going back loves........

Just about going forward in the right way.

Plenty of cars tried to pick me up ;)

I just happen to be cool with Jesus.

I'll be back tomorrow.  I promise.

We getting there.  This book ain't ending no time soon.

God Bless.

Take Care


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