Monday, June 20, 2011

The Book of TNT (Introduction)

Hello America,


How are you?  Doing a little bit better, slept for like two hours.  


This is a new book.


Let's explain the rules shall we.


B/c of the fact that this site is linked to my facebook account in which a lot of my dear friends and relatives read this until this storm named Delmar ;) passes out of my life.  We are going to have a little personal in the morning.  Not out of retaliation, but because there are safety issues.  He's playing for his life and so am I and unfortunately one of us is going to lose life as we now know it.


It is what it is........


War of the Roses, just in a way I don't think the scriptwriters intended......


We will have our political.  Too much occurred by me just focusing on social issues, someone gave Pelosi a microphone.....it's unnerving.  I have been quietly giving Paul Ryan, Boehner, and the GOP time and room and leverage in regards to the debt ceiling and budget situation.  


Today, we are starting a new book, so if I remember this is the ninth book.


Let's go..........


There is a different mood on the hill.  Not about democrat or republican, its more about the future and the past.  It's about old politicians and young public servants and yes loves there is a difference.  It is about somebody taking the the ulitimate risk of putting their life on the line, putting it all in..........and trusting, boldly that God will come through.

It is the look in your mentor's eyes, when they see the naivete has left and a readiness, a soundness, a commitment to faith and principles they never fathom in your eyes, while you slowly squeezing them to sleep with a metaphysical chokehold of God's grace and mercy.

Today, we are going to talk as I always give an introduction for the new book.

I have to balance as I write so much here, 7 days a week, I have to take off what I am saving for the book....But I am digging the book actually, I am trying for it not to be so "nerdy" but I am who I am.  I am gravitating towards examining culture from a perspective that is a mix of everything.  Not one word of profanity, but there are adult themes.

Real talk at the Grown Folks table.  Look for it in the late fall/holiday season.

Show love to me @tmims50 for strictly political commentary @pendecadentdiva for commentary about everything else.....

Show love to my blogging brothers the link is on the right.........

Show love to my big sisters, the other members of the fantastic five........, their links are on the right.........

I digress.......

When I started this blog, I was just pissed because I knew what was coming and what hurt more than anything is that I wasn't in a position to do more than I could at the time.  I am arrogant, vain, qualified enough to say that if I were at a different place in life, Obama would not have been president.  I feel like in my zone, at my best, I would have made that much of a difference.

Cocky, you say?

One day, the truth will emerge and you will see i'm public enemy, it really did take a nation of millions to hold me back........for awhile.

I like the infusion of culture through music, television and movies into these posts.  This new chapter will reflect that.  I am no rapper by any means, but music, expression are such big parts of my life.  All the time couldn't go out and play, when I did, was aloof didn't get along with everyone, but music......the constant friend.

It is fitting that this chapter starts in the month of black music month.  There is no need to even begin what is black music.  What I am saying is that I was raised black and I listened to music.  Therefore black music month to me a time for homage for those whose voices and verses and truths and moments influenced me.......

Bush- you know, I know it is hard to believe..........But I checked Dana Perino's twitter account, Bush hasn't been President since 2008.  Ikr...... crazy!  But it is hard to believe that when politico's lead story is how to get rid of Bush, with a picture of bush, cheney and rumsfield on the cover.


ALL OF THESE GUYS ARE RETIRED..........


Ahh geo-politico media conglomerates affectionately known as the force.........  Y'all tired, huh?  The race card and the bush card is all you have.  But you losing the race card because I'm a person of color.  Ikr.......I have to remind myself as well.  America, understand that the entities that are bent on making this a one world global government socialist crap or whatever there are calling it these days, needs two things more than anything else.


FOR YOU TO PUT OBAMA BACK IN OFFICE, AND


FOR YOU NOT TO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY.


don't fall for it.  Even if that means reading politico with a sideways eyes.  WE ARE TEN DAYS, FROM DEFAULTING ON OUR DEBTS, THE REPUBLICANS WE SHOULD BE SEEING THIS MORNING are folk like Boehner, Ryan, Cantor, Cornyn, McConnell folks that are active in making decisions.......


HEY 112TH, DON'T DO NO BULLGRIT MOVE LIKE PUSH THIS OFF, FOR SHORT TERM LOAN CRAP.  IF YOU ALL CAN'T AGREE, SHUT IT DOWN.  THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU ALL TO SERVE IF YOU CAN'T PLAN A BUDGET.  DO IT IF YOU WANT TO, YOU WILL EAT EVERY LAST DIME OFF THAT PLATE, NOT A THREAT, A PROMISE FROM THE FOLK THAT FUND YOUR DREAMS:LEGAL AMERICAN CITIZENS.


Rick Perry- I WILL NOT IN ANY WAY SUPPORT A PERRY CAMPAIGN.  THAT DUDE LOOK FELLOW TEXANS IN THE EYE AND SAID YOUR LEGAL CHILD WILL PAY OUT OF STATE TUITION RATES AND FACE HIGHER QUALIFICATION STANDARDS THAN THE CHILDREN OF ILLEGALS............


That is no Texan............


That is just a cartel member who just happens to stay in Austin.


I am warning you, Gov. Perry, if that nut Bill White wasn't running against you, I would have helped a democrat run this state.


DAWG, YOU CHOSE THE ENEMY..............


We not stupid, Brother Rick nor the force.  It is just like that simpson's episode with you.........When Obama takes off his mask, he is for the illegals.  When you take off your mask, you are for the illegals....


we not falling for it........


Libya- THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS AT WAR WITH A COUNTRY WITHOUT CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL BEING GIVEN TO THE PRESIDENT.  THAT IS A CONSTITUTIONAL VIOLATION AND AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE.


Kind of like when Maury that baby is yours.  OBAMA RUN OFF THE STAGE, CURSE YELL, BUT REALIZE WE ARE YOUR BABY MAMA, AND YOU WILL ANSWER TO US, EITHER GET CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL OR FACE IMPEACHMENT.


and no love, race nor bush would enter as an argument for that.


Yes, I am aware of Senator Graham's assertion for Obama's position.  But I am also aware of the good senator tendency to lost his damn mind every other month. Telling folk in his own district he wants this out of house and home by supporting cap and trade...........


WRONG IS WRONG AND I DON'T WANT THAT PRECEDENT TO REMAIN FOR ANY PRESIDENT.


GET THE PERMISSION SLIP OR FACE IMPEACHMENT, Obama.  It don't matter to me, son.  It don't.....


Medicaid and Medicare will be changed.- AND BEFORE YOU BELIEVE THE DEMOCRATS ADS THAT IT IS THE REPUBLICANS FAULT.  REMEMBER THIS, IT IS THE FAULT OF THE VERY POWERFUL NETWORKS THAT FUNNEL ILLEGAL SLAVES THROUGH CHURCHES AND OTHER NON-PROFITS that are the culprit.  It is the corruption of our politicians that are the reason as if we kick out and stop this fraud, WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO CUT ANYONE FROM ANYTHING.


IT IS THE FACT OF HUMAN RIGHTS OVER LEGAL RIGHTS THAT IS WHY YOUR BENEFITS ARE GOING TO BE CUT.


PURE AND SIMPLE.


just like we all knew Alice was going to tell Mel to kiss his grits........


McCain- dude how many more years to you retire?  dude if you had done all of these assertions in 2008, maybe you would have been President.  America can never isolate itself in totality.  We global hustlers we do business all over the world. BUT IT AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH SOMEONE SAYING AMERICA IS NUMBER ONE, IF YOU AIN'T LEGAL TEAR YOUR ASS.....DISRESPECT OUR COUNTRY, WE WILL JACK EVERY BAG OF RICE WE THROW OVER THERE.......


that's just standing up for America..........


something you lost brother, like how Winnie lost her big brother in Vietnam on the Wonder Years........


Well, that is some of the things that are crossing my mind, but today we are introducing a new chapter, and I have some personal issues I have to address.

Let's just get to it shall, we.  Delmar didn't come home, he turns his phone off.  The water is off at my house.  Hey, I have to pay all the bills myself.  fell short last month. I'm never there, just have to take care of the dogs or what not.  So my parents being the loving people they have  let Delmar and I use their facilities, what not.  But b/c of folk that I not going to mention by name today that stay in the same neighborhood as  my family.  He don't even bother to come and pick me up anymore....He just waits until someone lets him know I am over here and then wants to come over to freshen up.

Disrespectful on levels unseen, mother dearest's mantra manifested.  And I am going to get my truck back.  I am not going to change the locks, cut up his clothes none of that.  Not going to call the police, mother dearest on him.  God has his own plan for everyone including Mr. Delmar.  It sucks to see someone you love wrestle with demons but God took that yoke from me yesterday......I can't keep the boogeymans of truth away from him anymore.......not my job anymore.

It truly saddens me to hear of him promising the ladies everything known to man trying to get someone to take a chance with him. Been too busy playing farmville and whatnot to even notice he changed the relationship status......I just don't give a damn.  I guess his fans can read after all, a least a relationship status on facebook ;)

It hurts me as I watch him panic trying to find a way to hold on to this truck which is not his because he can't bear the thought of riding the bus to work as he had me do for two years after all those lies are being told.

So all I am going to say this morning, is pray for this man.  God has a healthy portion of words that he is going to have to eat, actions that he will be held accountable for and trust it ain't pretty.  It ain't pretty I have been carrying a load much more than fiscal for Mr. Meadows.....My will by default renders me a powerful enabler of all sorts.......

You know ladies.......If I told my story............If I told my story fellas, a lot of people would be like how could you have withstood all that.  God's grace.  Faith in knowing that God has a story, has a lesson for all of us.  For me, it's probably listening to his ass....(come on, God, you know we still a little mad at each other).  For Mr. Meadows, it is time for him to stop resting on the foundation of lies he has built up, that I have carried for him....

I saw Mr. Meadows co-worker yesterday and you can tell when someone got something on their mind.  Delmar's just spinning out of control right now, it hurts when you lose the best thing you ever had for mother dearest and postal Tiffani.  He's realizing that he is walking the road he wants.  He wants to be an up under the shade tree dude, with really nobody to love and call his own.  He's getting exactly what he wants.That's the thing with God, he will oblige at times just so you can learn the difference about what you want and what you need.......

Anyway, the co-workers smokes on a cigarette in a way that lets me know that something is on his mind.  So let me get this out of the way.  LOVES, ILLEGALS.  WHAT DELMAR DOES DON'T AFFECT ME, B/C OUTSIDE OF GAS AND FOOD AND OCCASIONAL MONEY ON THE RENT, HE DOESN'T HELP AT ALL.  He buys clothes, he takes other women out, he puts gas in the car.

SO IF HYPOTHETICALLY, he went down roads traveled in the past, IT DOESN'T AFFECT ME.

I PUT IT GOD'S HANDS.......

LET ME REPEAT THAT SLOWLY B/C SOME OF YOU ALL NEED THAT YELLA BUS IN LIFE........

I PUT IT IN GOD'S HANDS.

I PUT EVERYTHING CONCERNING THIS MAN IN GOD'S HANDS......

And I ain't trying to get it back, I don't want God hollering at me this morning because he heard I was trying to save somebody outside of myself.

I am not calling the police on him loves..........I am not.  Hopefully I am not moving out of my home.  I may not have no utilities on, but as long as the window opens at night. I'll be allright.  I am not going to call any of these females back.  Not going to trip on him at his job.  I'm done son......

There will no arrest of Tiffani El Dawn Mims for any reason.  Delmar gotta come home sometime, he knows on the first, I'll be taking the truck back.  So no need to look with your head down fam and friends, b/c you all know what he is doing but can't tell me because mother dearest and postal Tiffani got they foot on your neck.  I gotta leave so he will leave.  I had to do what I needed to do so when he's in that cell, be it physical or metaphysical.  Whether he's kicking kush or drama, he knows in that cell.  I had somebody.  He knows in that cell, somebody took a chance on me. And when he gets out of that cell, he knows he has a job if nothing else.

And that's gonna have to be enough for me and  for him.  B/c it ain't no more.

It's allright, me and God got it.  Dallas, give me a moment, I'm working on leaving.  Won't be in your way too much longer.

Comprende?

You can't break me, you can't hurt me, none of that no more regarding him.  I gave that burden to God because for the first time in my life I had to admit I can't solve this problem.  I can't fix this.........

And through the love and support that I call #teamtiffani........OMG.

i'll be allright.

Anything else, loves so that we can move on for the day. B/c the old Tiffani, who used to handle all that kind of stuff head on......she's gone, just like 13 years of my life left yesterday #without a trace.

I introduce you to the book of Tiffani and Television.  I am so digging the visceral flow of dealing with culture.  And I owe you all truths........So why not utilize both?  Still figuring out how am I going to do this, but this is the introduction


Now today, we are not going to get as far as I would like.  I'm tired.  I only sleep about two hours at night because there is no car there and I don't know what mindset D is going to come in.  Is he coming home at all? Is he coming home to start a fight? tear up my stuff?  Those type of anxieties keep you up at night.  But I am doing better sleeping a full two hours which is better than off and on....


I didn't work this post like I will tomorrow.  We are going to take time with this one like the Rangers season(Hey, baseball daddy's)  *frantically waving*  You know I love you all as well.  But baseball moves a little slower.  The season ain't going the way it planned, but you know the Ranger Way is God's way.  Pitch by Pitch, hit by hit, out by out, inning by inning, game by game....


Amen......


There was a time in my life where I would have defied God, I would have lost, but it wouldn't have mattered.  My ego is so large.......even King James crown' wont hold.......(dude, I know you was hurting......I know you're not a bad dude, childish than a mofo, but not bad at all, I do love you.....I do.  just as much as I love the rest of my daddy's, your body hurts, you gotta a family too, dude.  I know that, remember that, we all have parts to play......)




But there was a brief moment, where I wanted to knock back on the door of me and D. ....He's a good dude, he just got a lot of hurt and truths to go through......


But just as I was getting to knock on the door, just as my hands went to touch the door, my hands closed ........and I walked away crying because I never had the courage b/c I don't want any drama to look him in the face and say.......


Chorus
Boy I gotta go I can't stay
You said things would change
But boy things are still the same
Boy I gotta go I can't stay
We stay together putting the front on
Dont wanna be on my own

but that don't mean that I don't accept reality.......

When we first met things were fine
We went out to dine
We strolled the beach, holding hands sharing quality time
What happened between then and now
The love we shared was lost somehow
(My freinds tried to tell me)

Hell everyone, tried to tell me *smiling ruefully* but you had my heart since the 7th grade....

That we're moving too fast
But I didn't know that this was all a mask
It wouldn't last
I know I should have left a long time ago
But I stayed to see
Hoping and praying that one day you would finally trust me

I always knew.......KNEW......Just was waiting for you to realize the blessing you had in front of you despite of the falsehood of our beginnings.
Chorus (x2) (Ad lib)

Boy I gotta go I can't stay
You said things would change
But boy things are still the same
Boy I gotta go I can't stay
We stay together putting the front on
Dont wanna be on my own


Listen
I took you in treated your problems as mine
Then we laid and made love
And you were my sun what a precious time
I did all that I could to get through to you
To let you know boy it's you I was living for

I gave it all up, knowing I could get it again ;) just to show you were the sole focus of my life, b/c I am just one of those type of females......

(But you let your mind play games on you)
Then when I'm not around
You think that I don't know
That you're passing time with so many vice galore
I gave you all that I had
You didn't love me one ounce
So like a basket ball I gotta bounce

And I accept the fact that I was just a name, just an id, a scam for you and yours......I can dig it.  I may be quiet, but far from stupid.
Chorus (Ad lib)

Boy I gotta go I can't stay
You said things would change
But boy things are still the same
Boy I gotta go I can't stay
We stay together putting the front on
Dont wanna be on my own

Bridge
Listen
Baby can you tell me
Where I went wrong yeah

Why you couldn't tell me?  I would gladly have given it to you, well, nah.  not let me lie, I am getting too caught up in the song ;)

All I ever wanted Baby baby baby
Was a happy home (ohhh) to call my own (ohhh)
I can't take no more (No doubt)
So I'm telling you
Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

I have to have peace in my home.......Thirteen years of drama, violence and drama wears on you.  Thankfully I lived by myself for five years before I got married, or I wouldn't stand a chance.

Chorus (x2)(ad lib)

Break it down
Break it down
uhmmmm
Cause I wanna talk to my people this evening
Come on
And let em know it takes a fool to learn (It takes a fool)
That love don't love nobody

Amen, Brother Dave........Love don't. Thankful God does.


That's why I can truly say in my heart
Love don't live here (Love don't live here anymore)
Good God almighty
Baby you hurt me so bad
But ohh I'm mighty grateful

OMG, I am so grateful........so thankful for the lessons that I learned.  For the relationship that God and I are building, that me and old friends have repaired, that me and new friends are building.........So many years, love, you hurt me with a raw pain that i can still taste now, but it's allright......Lord, have mercy it's allright

Love don't live here (Love don't live here anymore)
ohhhhhhhhhh
It's alright, it's OK
Gonna move on anyone (I can move on)
yeah
yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
Baby you hurt me so bad
I gotta move on
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I gotta go I gotta leave baby
Cause love don't live here
uhmmmmm
I thinnk I leave it alone now
Yeahh yeah yeah yahooo hmmm

By the grace of God, I think I can leave it alone now.  I don't have to worry no more, did I do enough?  Did I honor God's words, the promises?  I can walk away with now, with my head high, my heart full............


Take care brother.  Take God.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2XGpAbkj3A


Dave Hollister's Can't Stay

You have to listen to the song, the instrumentation, the cresendo of the cymbals, the arrangment of the bridge....moves me to this day.

You all can't hurt me no more, you did badly.......

but I'm on my own now.  And it is what it is.  And for the assholes.  Music videos come on TV, BET, Donnie Simpson Video Soul that type of thing......

We'll start back fully tomorrow........

God Bless, gotta get some sleep and start back on my book.

You thought because I am hurting, I was gonna run from it.

Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

NONE LOVES.

WHERE THERE IS FAITH, THERE CAN BE NO FEAR.

AND I'M WATER TIGHT.

BUTTNAKED.  THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO FIGHT, HOW TO LOVE, HOW TO LIVE.

EVERYTHING MY GOD TAKES ME THROUGH SERVES AS A TESTAMENT TO HIS GRACE, HIS MERCY, AND MY MISTAKES.......  EVEN WITH DAVE HOLLISTER IN THE BACKGROUND, EVEN WITH MY DUCKED UP 13 YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN WHO WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE IN MY HEART, JUST NOT IN MY HOME.

YOU CANNOT SHAME ME NO MORE,

LOVE DON'T LIVE HERE NO MORE......

I GOTTA FIND WHERE IT DOES RESIDE FOR ME.

ILLEGAL AMERICA, HOSTILE MUSLIMS, ID THEFT/PRESCRIPTION THEFT.......

It was a good run.

Welcome to my world.

The Book of Tiffani and Television starts tomorrow.

I'm Elton John, I tried to tell you but all I can say is ohhh........


very, very, very good at what i do enemies.  


Spreading God's truth.


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