Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Book of Mirrors ( Chapter 5)

Hello America,

I hope that you enjoyed the last post.  I told you all it takes me about 8 chapters to figure out where I want to go with a book.

I am going through some things in my life.  And I have to do some things that I rarely do or haven't done.  I have to rely on others, I have to admit that I cannot do all that I want to do by myself, I have to realize the power of the people I allow in my life and I have to be careful about who I let in.

I am going to tell you a story today about folk like me and Leroy, I mean Newt ;).  I told you that one of the rules is that I can draw from what I want, what I feel that is within my discretion.

I grew up at Good Street Baptist Church and because of that church, music is a big impact on my life.  The mix of hearing melodies and testimonies through a riff has impacted me over the years.  All my life when things were hard or not so hard, the songs the emotions that I heard from the choirs.......gave me the fuel I needed to make it through some hard parts of my path.  That tendency is a part of my mirror that will never change.

One of those songs that stays with me is Jamie Foxx's Love brings change, not going to use it today.  But the mantra behind the song is reflective of where I am at.  Love does bring change.  For the first time, I have started loving myself......enough to bring much needed changes to my life.  And it is hard, and humbling and scary, I have spent so much time saving others, that I have left my own existence in the hands of those who didn't deserve and that time has stopped.

And in loving myself, I have realized other things that I love and this nation is one of them.

The love of something brings a change from within.  Let's remember that as we go through today.

I am going to tell a story, then comment and then that's a wrap.  I am going to start to leave day to day politics alone.  I don't have time to do all the research that is needed to ensure the accuracy of everything.  I love this nation too much to lie to it, and my influence is growing to the point that it is irresponsible to just be running off at the mouth like I am some anonymous voice because I am not.

So I have to depend on my big brothers and sisters who write and report to do what I cannot.  I have to trust...........  And for the most part, although I may make a brief comment, I am going to defer to those who do it for a living.  There are four individuals that I do not question, Michelle Malkin, David Limbaugh, Joe Scarborough on a functional day ;) and Thomas Sowell.  Those are the folk I trust.

So on the day in which our national debt has hit 15,000,000,000,000.  the day in which obama has almost doubled a deficit that took 400 years to make.

I ask you to please read one of my big sisters who is courageous with her truth, who pulls no punches for anyone: Michelle Malkin

the newest Obama hustle that is costing you dollars

While Boehner has to do some soul searching to really ask himself, if he really wants me to come up there and take his gavel from him and give it to Pelosi because she is a democrat acting like one ....., I ask that you read this article.  We didn't get to 15,000,000,000,000 overnight, but this newest drug deal is part of the reason why.  Why lock up for folks for selling, crack, heroin and meth, when our own President moving keys himself?

One more note, Barack Obama, if you have the balls to call us lazy, don't do it from Hawaii, with your secret service, have the nuts to do it in our faces.  We pay FOR YOUR AND YOURS TO LAY UP AND TRAVEL.  Election night is going to be eviction night, and when we escorting you and yours out of the white house because we not waiting until January, BROTHER TRUST..............

BROTHER TRUST, when I say, me and you are going to have words, don't ever in your life think you have the right to call my citizens lazy........ EVER.

I digress, and I apologize for having to say that, but I can't sit by watching you all work so hard, trying to feed your kids, get your meds, trying to keep the lights on and this ......... got the nerve to call you lazy.  So let's get on with the day, for those who don't know, I write stories to using God and Jesus but it is not out of disrespect, it is out of respect and to highlight my relationship with God and faith.  Now, it is a story so work with me folk.

I am sitting at my desk the other day, and I am crying.  Love brings changes that we welcome, love brings changes that we don't welcome all the time.  I am nostalgic, I am scared, and I am worried, I am giving up the pen in regards to commenting on every little thing.  I am filling out paperwork, I changed my major to a master's with a thesis instead of just focusing on addictions, harder in someways, easier in others..... I have a job application that I am filling out.  I wipe my tears, realize that maturity has come and there is nothing I can do about it.

 I can't pretend that I don't know better when I do.  There was a time when I didn't think I would live past 25 or if I did without prison or hard times....  I finish the paperwork and head up God's office to tell him what I want to do, what i have decided.

God and St. Pete and Lucifer are playing spades, they have Tupac as the last person on the table.  Tupac is one of those type of dudes that is apt to be at a card game of that nature.  I walk up to God, I give him the paperwork and go back in the corner.  God doesn't need to read it, he knows what is in it.

Lucifer asks angrily "What you trying for a different job?  You act like you can change who you are....... You are ruthless, you show no mercy to enemies, you win at all costs.......What now all that's gone? You Miss Perfect, now?" as he knows what it is the envelope as well.

I just sigh, there was a time where I would have cussed Lucifer out in front of God, now I am just at an age and place where it doesn't matter anymore.

God listens to Lucifer for awhile, and I just sit there and let him rant.  It is a time of change in my life, there was a time where Lucifer and I were friends because I was mad at God for what he put me through, I was mad at God for what he required of me.  All I wanted to be in life since a little girl, was a big Mama, with like 5 to 10 grandsons a least whopping everyone's butt who crossed my way ;)  So I know Lucifer is hurt that the job I am asking for requires that we can't kick it like we used to.

Tupac and St. Pete ask if they need to leave the room as the tension grows so much, I can feel it on my skin.

God simply says "No."

"Tiffani, do you understand what you are asking? Do you understand what will be required of you to have this job?"

I look God in the eye, not out of disrespect so he can see my spirit.  "Yeah, I mean Yes, I do.  And Yes, I understand what I have to do, my pen is in the envelope, if I have to give that part of it up, so be it."

God looks at that envelope for a long time and says softly " I have been waiting a long time, a very long time for you to bring this to me."

I retort back quickly " I figured I'd make you wait a minute....." laughing softly. He knows that it has been a very hard and painful struggle to accept his will, his intention for my life.  In my mind, I should courtside at a Mavericks game right now, telling Spike Lee, Knick what?

God says "Well, St. Pete will get you what you need for right now, you cant do all of this at once, you have to pace yourself, I got folk all around you who will help you fill in the blanks, I knew you were coming so I brought Tupac because I don't gather you will gain any political perspective from him, I think there is something to be gained from a life perspective from him.  I knew you were coming .....  before you did.  It's time."

Lucifer asks God "You are going to let her do it?  Man, that's some bull....."

God says to him sternly "You wonder why I don't have your butt up here, more often........dude this my house, you can go home."

Lucifer and I walk out the door together and he whispers in my ear "Tiger can't change its stripes baby girl, you can't go from the strip club, from the cuts, from selling dope, from all of those wrongs to what you want........"

I make sure that we outside the hallway, because I don't want to disrespect God.  I take Lucifer hands......burned by the rage he infintely feels inside from the realization it cannot will not ever be totally about him.

and whisper back. "You are right, a tiger cannot change his or her stripes.  I'm just a tiger who is at a point who realizes what those stripes for.  Thank you for being there when I needed you........but that time has ended."

Shake his hand and walk away.  I feel Tupac asking St. Pete did he see that? as I when I look back Lucifer's head down and the hallway is full and head back to my life.

End of story.

My point is America is tigers don't change stripes.  You just realize what they are there for.

Newt and I are kindred souls in the sense that we both love, power, He's a Gemini, I'm a Capricorn both signs known for being astute in the ability to be a persona removing ourselves from the selves we present the world. We both love ourselves A LOT.  We both push and cross boundaries telling ourselves that we were above the law because in our own ways we were.

We used to getting exactly what we want and that is our salvation and albatross at times.  We like to touch, We both have used the workplace as dating areas.  We both already hit divorce court.  We both have fallen from grace, we both have been fired, sanctioned.  Neither one of us reacted the best at first.

We both got mouths that can break down an argument within seconds.  We both are very, very, very talented at what we do.  We are both politicians.  Neither one of us Obama and can say I did right by my marriage, in different ways, but you get my point.  Neither one of us can say I walked on the right side all the time.

We tigers.........

No doubt, no running from that.

But in his own way, and in mine.  We have learned a lot being banned from that spotlight. We been on the sidelines seeing others folks get a chance that should have been ours.  And there was a time where we both wanted the spotlight back to redeem ourselves and our legacy.  But God kept both of us at bay, because we wasn't ready. 

He kept us at bay until our desires didn't involve words like myself, I, Newt or Tiffani.

For Newt, it is his grandkids which invariably involves all kids because he knows his grandbabies needs a nation to live in, to thrive in.  For me, it is my nephews which makes all these babies, my babies.

And because we are both ruthless, because we are both are willing to do what is needed to get it done, because we both have a natural talent for this that cannot be denied. Because we have been dirty, we know exactly what Obama is doing.  Because we have put in "work", we don't have to question whether we will pick up the shovel to end this crap.

Because we both at a point where we grasp the fact that those stripes are to let everyone in the midst that we can blend in the background when needed.  That those stripes represent that we have been clawed, stracthed, cut up, f***ed up......... That those stripes let everyone on the left, everyone that hates this nation, that hates the way we live, that thinks we lazy that we two of those ignant (yes, it is word with cultural connatations) that will say what others won't.  That we will do what others want.  And that is nothing new.

It is simply matter who we are doing it for.  I don't agree with Newt policy wise ON A LOT. He knows this. But I don't question his heart nor his intention, he's grown. I've grown.  Yeah, it took him 3 times to get the personal thing right.  Yeah, he did marry the one he was at work with.  Yeah, Newt lost his mind agreeing with Pelosi, but I admire Pelosi for her dress game and her ability to not kiss Obama's butt.

He is a politician that knows strange bedfellows in the field of politics, I am one as well.

People it is a lot of dirty stuff going on in DC, and Obama is relying on the fact that nobody on the right can get dirty with him.  Not about dirty acts, but to call him on his bull.  To say to him point blank, you full of s***, you don't know what the hell you are talking about.  Call my citizens lazy again and see what happens.  No, we are going to balance this budget...... Tell Reid he won't hold no votes hostage with me. that type of thing.

The establishment don't want Newt who can say, man who you are talking to? you know good and well that doesn't work, you know we already this and that.  Because Newt ain't fighting for Newt no more.

Newt fighting for his grandbabies, knowing to fight for them is to fight for all these babies.

And that's what makes Newt dangerous, not only to Obama, but to the GOP and the crony captiliasm that is killing our nation.  He was dirty, he knows what it is when he sees it.

His mirror don't hide what he has done in his past, I am just saying his mirror is showing a tiger who knows those claws, those paws, that power ain't for his benefit, they are for the glory of God and the protection of his country and its people.

He and I will always be tigers, and I am a lot younger than him so I got more steps than him on my path.

But he is a tiger that knows what he is here for, he knows that God didn't give him all that talent just to say Baby, I'm Newt.  I am a politician.  He is at a place where he knows he is to here to serve a public, to be a public servant.

All I am saying..........Next Post will be Friday.

Let tigers be tigers.  Let those who know they have the talent, and screwed up redeem themselves not for their legacy but for what's really important, you America.

That's it for today, the rest is an introduction to my newest site, so if you need to leave right now, go ahead, the rest is about me and my search for balance in my personal life. just a quick song, to give a preview of the content that will be on newest site, this will still be running

So with that, I am going end with this song. Not because I am promoting my new site with adult themes, sex sells itself, trust.........

No because it is my way of saying even as powerful as I am by myself, please know American men, that I know I need a man.  Not just for physical reasons, but for balance that God knows I need in my life....and that's what I am going to turn my new site into, just talking about culture and start a running book about my personal life in conceptual terms.  I write so much, I can't not write so this is a story people, there are elements of truth in it, but this is not A REALITY SHOW.

Because as much as you all shred Newt's personal life, Lawd Jesus as my assistant would say, what are you all going to do with mine........

So I wrote and used Beyonce's Party song to talk about a date, that God didn't approve of.......the other day

And it was good no doubt, being in the company of man that was different than my ex......, where conversation and respect ruled the day, and because I am was a happy ending.

So the next next morning as we didn't even get to the room  until 6am, I am getting dressed, I have to go out and work on this new job God told me I could pursue...... I am feeling good, got a little bit of my groove back, enough to work nonstop for a minute.

And Truth(that's what I am calling him, no need for names) looks at me from the bed......smirking, smiling, and frowning all at the same time.

And as I am getting ready to give him the kiss that means it was cool.......more than cool, but I gotta go and I'll catch you later and I really don't know when Imma call because commitment ain't really my thing.  I did right by my marriage, but the responsiblity of coming home and answering questions and having someone rob my spirit or telling me no ain't on my agenda.

He comes from the bed, I blush, and asks me to sit back on the bed, and sits there and looks me dead in eye and says.

I gotta say something to you right quick
I can't just let you walk out of here without speaking my truth, hold up!

I roll my eyes and sigh

[Intro: Miguel]
It was the bomb,  no need to lie
I gotta go, I gotta a flight
I don't have time to be held by love

He places my hands in his hands, softly, but firmly, looks me dead in the eye and says

[Verse 1: Wale]
Flowerbomb, I know 'ya time is racing
  just going run out, huh, that's your human nature?
I gotta go myself, laid them tracks by the mile
  Worry when your day is up, when you touch down
who gonna fill your cup, if we not together
The time we had was  blessed,  so A for effort
Yes, love you worked for it, you so deserve your applause
Tiffani you working it so hard, but you lacking at home
Who take your baton, when your critics ain't right
Who goin' put in that work, to soothe burns from limelight
I ain't him, I just appraised all facets of your inner worth
You need more than your hair being slightly jerked
I am here to be your man, and trust I know its work
I’m don't want your body, if I can't have your spirit first
I’m know we short on time, but I just made you mine
I’m just trying to make it right, because your single days is out of time

[Hook: Miguel]
Tiffani, can't you see
I feel it when you rocked with me
It’s feeling like you need to be
My lady, my baby, yeah
Can’t you see
I’m talking about eternity
Tell me would you care to be
My lady, my baby

I sit there for a moment, text my assistant and tell her to change my flight and to make do, give me a moment.  I'm one of those females, when a man speaks his truth and I recognize as truth, I try my best to acknowledge it... Running my hands through my hair for a moment. Mad at myself for indulging myself, never was one to attract the imma hit and go type dude. I take one of my hands and place it on his hands and with my voice wavering just a tad, with a vulnerability, he didn't see for the past couple of days........and nights.......I say.

[Verse 2: Wale]
Please mon, you right you deserve my time
You gotta know what you getting on that dotted line
We pushing through  whys bc you want me as a prize?
Oh, love don't you see I can be a bit much, my life is a wild ride
I  ain't herman cain gonna wanna do more than just touch
Bc if i'm yours, trust on the regular imma need to be huh.
Can I just enjoy this  nights, and go and catch my ride
My body needs are consistent, I cant put that on you, why?
B/c if we push this more than one night, You gonna be on flights
with me mile highclubbing  my asst saying they ain't right
Holding me tight after fights,my dress is so not white
Waiting on your call and all, screwing with my flow with mind
Wondering will you pick me up, can we different levels to go dutch
 cuz your scent I savor, boo that's a bit much
I don't wanna fright, but theres more behind the spotlight
Just pleadin' my case, because what you offering, I'm trying to find

[Hook: Miguel]
Yes, love, I see
I so wishing hopefully
of being where I need to be
  your lady,your baby, yeah
Can’t you see
we beyonce #dangerously
I'm risking my career to be
your lady, your baby

[Bridge: Miguel]
Cuz I want you, and you chose me
The clock keeps tickin’ baby, what’s it gonna be
I do need you, and you need me
So we just going to build these bricks of love

[Outro: Miguel]
Ahhhh, ayyyyy, eeeeee, ahh ohh ooo

 I kissed his hands, his face and walked out the door, knowing that I opened so many more doors, and went and caught my flight leaving my private number and flight information in his hands.

I'll be back Friday, all I am saying is that don't think men, that I am one of these women, who don't acknowledge what you bring to the table...... Just a lot to deal with, we'll see what happens next with Mr. Truth next week. hope you all enjoyed the preview.
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