Saturday, June 9, 2012

The Book of Sacrifice (Chapter 22)

Hello America,

Well, although the series counter don't say.  Tonight, is game 7 for both sports series and for some folk as well.

I apologize in advance for my emotions.  This season is the last of sorts to me, despite many repeated promises and threats.......

I am leaving soon, already made my plans.

I woke up yesterday late.... phone went dead forgot to charge it for my alarm.

And God struck my heart and said call this number, this is where you are going to stay.

And sure enough, if all works out well, I've already found a new address.  Got a new zip code.

And God says " You can't take nothing with you."  Clothes, not even your school books as  your term will be over... No furniture, no ex, no vehicle, nothing....."

And that hurt me because when I realized that a major hurdle to moving had already been solved...... it exposed something that has been brewing in me for years.

Being the victim of identity theft is just like being a rape victim of someone who is powerful......  

You are not treated with compassion, you treated with disdain.

My family in someways, all I know.

I've only been with one man my pretty adult life or it feels like it...... let me not give false impressions ;)

And it's becoming clear to me and to everyone else, that I'm gone.

Now the point of this story, ain't to go down memory lane.  My point is the why?

There was a time where I was working out, and getting myself together to show m***s I could......

There was a time where I was doing the right things to show the Powers that be that y'all don't need to be focusing on these illegals  using my name, I am worthy of my own identity.

There was a time in my life where I did things to hurt, to revenge the wrongs I felt needed to be addressed.

So last night, I cried.  I cried because I love my nephews, the middle one is reading and the youngest so pumped on being a "big boy" like his brothers he has potty trained himself before 2.    And it hurts so bad that I can't be there to share those special moments that they will call a childhood right there with them....

It hurts that I can't be there for my parents and do the things they need me to do.  Hurts the fact that something may happen to them and I'm not here.......

It's scary because I look at shows like Single Ladies, and I am single but I don't fit in to that type of stuff.  I am just a woman who not that sophisticated....... who desires someone who can keep it simple because it is kind of hard for me to keep up with the complicated personally..

So I called my friend, called music.  And I asked music to help me.......

Help remind me of God's purpose because it can't be revenge, it can't be regret, those things, those fuels burn bright, but not long.

And as I hurt and healed through my music.......

I realized that as I went from Lovin' You by Toni, Tone, Tony and Long Gone by Guy and Joy by Blackstreet........

that the truth, that the reason I don't get to heal in the way most victims should lies in the similarity of these artists......

They were not the only artists I listened to last night, I was in a 90s groove, got my Solo on, my nickelback.......  by Zhane..  but my point is that they are groups........

A collective of individuals whose totality created sounds that could never be duplicated by solo efforts.

We live in a world in which our President declares the economy fine, as it really is taking into consideration the damage he has done to it, determines that we need to be taken down a peg or two, looks into an investigation, overhauls healthcare and 1/6th of our economy, but works.........

With a Congress that can't produce a budget, but can disrespect women by creating a domestic violence bill but filling it with more backdoor ways for illegals...........

With democrats who under any under circumstance, if she wasn't black and one of Obama's needed "blackfaces" for this election would be in jail with politicians like Don Hill and where John Wiley Price is headed............

With Republicans like Mayor Bloomberg, who got time to tell me what I can drink in "his" city as a grown ass woman, but won't tell terrorists, mosque members and whomever else, it don't matter son, its dead Americans under this rubble,  y'all not building no damn mosque when it was some m***s who probably just left a mosque before they got on the plane......

With an NFL commissioner who got time to punish one team for something it wasn't guilty of because the nature of playing football is to hit and to punish, in order to save one man who is over the hill who got another man who simply did his job and gave God the praise fired......... because marketing say we need the Manning brothers on the field.

With an NBA commissioner who Lebron and although it was his free will, go to Cleveland without a peep, but told New Orleans, No Deal, No Paul, No Lakers.............

With teachers teaching for tests so that they can keep their jobs because school districts are just about the numbers........and not teaching our children what they need in life......

With a country that sentences identity theft victims and child support non payees, while illegals live openly in our system.

These "withs" are killing the team that we call America.

These "withs" are telling our children, one man, one group of people has enough God in them to determine what we eat, whose our stars, what we learn, how we live.

It is these "withs" that are replacing the team concept with the I and that has got to be stopped.

Yesterday, the Rangers won.  No biggie.

But they are hurting, Yu is going through some things, they losing to teams and game they shouldn't, the same as Boston has been, they lethargic the same as the Spurs were in some ways, they coming oh so short, as in some ways the Devils have been.

But they won, yesterday.......with a shutout.

From a pitcher that don't fit the marquee bill in Matt Harrison.

Now that win, won't make ESPN, it won't win Harrison no big time contract or the right to sell insurance or viagra .......

but his courage, his acts, his understanding his role, helped the TEAM win.

He didn't do it out revenge, He didn't need to leave everything on the floor, His teammates didn't describe him as no rabid dog unleashed on innocent bystanders.  He ain't going to get Yu or Hamilton or CJ money or fame.

He's just one of the forgotten men. that this country is built on, that this country abuses everyday.

He simply goes to work, does his job and enjoys it and let the concept of wholeness called the team named the Texas Rangers work out the melodies like those groups I listened to.

It's easy to get lost in the individual things........  Like me worrying about my mom, trying to find ways to help her understand Medicare B because Obama took away the good insurance federal employees earned and gave them Medicare to make the insurance pool bigger.

or to wallow about what I don't get to see with my nephews.........

or to focus on Gov. Walker's stand in Wisconsin and know in some way I had a part in it.

It's a lot harder to let God have control and to realize that Mama may miss me, but she is out volunteering and ministering again............

to realize my nephews got their daddy back, my sister got her husband back..........

to accept that when God is ready someone will be in my life........

and to simply do what I am supposed to do......

That's hard to do when its win or go home.

That's hard to do when if I don't win tonight, I may not be wearing this jersey tomorrow.

That's hard to do when you focus on everything you have been denied or slighted.

But when you can.......... enjoy the moment of today, do the best  you can do, and leave the rest to the spirit of teamwork and God.......

Then the victory that some of us seek on the court and ice tonight.......

has already been won in our souls..........

Well, before the first second of the game even starts......

If you need a song to motivate you to get it up, do your job, enjoy it and trust in the concept of team work, I can't help you today.

God says Matt's truth is enough for me,


and its going to have to enough for you.  


Have some great games today and tonight.  I love you all, in my dysfunctional ways, I do ;)


The men who find a way to be a team will find victory tonight for the yoke of doing it themselves is lifted. 


Take Care, I need to heal a little bit.


Be back Tuesday.

  
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